A Barnsley man is in hiding tonight after accidentally voting Conservative in the local elections. He blamed the mistake on his illiteracy, though friends suspect it may have been intentional and that he may have started thinking for himself, claiming he had been acting strange and using "big words" in the days leading up to the ballot.
His dad, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being cast out of his local working men's club, spoke of the shame his son had brought on the family; "Tha dunt jus' go rarnd pickin' an' chooesin' 'oo tha vooets fo'! It's 'eredetry - tha vooets fo' 'oo thi fatha vooeted fo'. 'Is no son o' mine".
Within minutes of the results being announced, social media was alive with theories and speculation about who had cast the solitary Conservative vote, and a lynch mob had soon congregated in Peel Square targeting anyone wearing or carrying anything blue, though fortunately Police were able to disperse the group before any bottles of WKD got smashed.
It is thought the man will now have to be given a new identity and relocated to somewhere in the 21st century.
A satirical look at all the news and happenings in the idyllic hamlet of Barnsley
